Right now, in the Rolling Stone Everything Index: Taylor Swift has a plan to save the music industry optimism! and a drunk lady inspires millions by stealing a horse. Imagine if those two were reversed.
The Everything Index: Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea Inside a Steel Cage
Weve also got Miley Cyrus getting weird with the Flaming Lips, Coldplay chilling with Cat Power and a cautionary tale of what happens when you combine weed with The Simpsons (no, it doesnt make Kill the Alligator and Run any better). Heres our pop-culture power rankings for the week ahead.
1. Taylor Swifts Wall Street Journal Op-Ed: In wide-eyed editorial, Taylor writes that the value of an album is based on the amount of heart and soul an artist has bled into it. By that logic, Britney Spears albums should be free.
2. The Drunk Lady Who Stole a Horse in Alabama, Then Rode it to a Robbery: Inspiring, if only for the following sentence: Officers recovered three cans of Keystone Light in a Walmart bag that was tied to the saddle horn.
3. Miley Cyrus and the Flaming Lips: Pop wild child gets weird with the Lips in new clip. Drugs arent always awesome, guys.
4. Lordes Using Spotify: Royals singer disses iTunes on Twitter, says shes using Spotify because its easier. If you can find a more millennial sentence than that one, please let us know.
5. Fireworks: Still deadly. You think this is a joke, Flavor Flav?
6. Fake Star Wars: Episode VII Footage: Oddly, more compelling that actual Star Wars: Episode I footage.
7. AMC Adding Fully Reclining Seats: Theater chain will spend $600 million to upgrade seating. For when the sociopolitical subplots of Transformers are too much and we just need a nap.
8. This Marijuana Simpsons Thing on Twitter: Weirdo Simpsons-inspired accounts have us confused, others captivated. Maybe we just havent Reddit, man.
9. Six Flags Roller Coasters: Dozens trapped on Magic Mountain ride after tree branch falls onto the track. Mr. Sixs desperate flailing was either a rescue attempt, or an involuntary response to We Like to Party.
10. Neil Young Does Fancy with Crosby, Stills & Nash: Jimmy Fallon channels Young once again, covers Iggy Azalea with CSN. Nicki Minaj approves, even if she really doesnt.
11. Larry David: Seinfeldco-creator and chief curmudgeon says he hasnt watched the show in years. He was too busy trying to figure out who left the ring on Susies antique table.
12. Death From Above 1979 Return: Doomy dance-punk act rises from the dead with shit-hot new single Trainwreck 1979, makes us nervous that we might have to start writing about electroclash again.
13. Coldplay and Chan Marshalls Wish I Was Here: Chris Martin and Co. team with Cat Power on title track from Zach Braff film. Beautiful and maudlin, kind of like Garden State was trying to be.
14. Self-Serve Beer Machines in Minnesota: Twins unveil Pour Your Own Beer machine at Target Field. We knew there was a reason theyre hosting the MLB All-Star Game.
15. CIA Disavows any Knowledge of Tupacs Whereabouts: They said so on Twitter. The NSA, on the other hand, has his phone records and all of his emails.
16. Chris Bosh: Eternal third cog of Miami Heats Big Three seriously considering $88 million offer from the Houston Rockets. Meanwhile, were seriously considering some guy in Houstons $88 offer for our entire CD collection.
17. Paris Hiltons New Single: Heiress and Cash Money employee drops Come Alive, makes us wish we never had.
18. Slovakian Trolley-Line Pallet Skateboarding: All the cool kids (in Central Europe) are doing it. How long until they start ghostriding the forklift?
19. Ellen DeGeneres, Life Style Guru:Talk-show host branches our with lifestyle brand E.D.Signature items include matching carrying cases for Sophia Grace and Rosie, couture awkwardness.
20. The World Cup:Remember? This is the thing you cared about last week.
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