Poor Alcide. He starts off the episode with Sookies legs wrapped around his perfect, non-Photoshopped physique, only to end in a spooky, abandoned asylum pulled away from his friends by an unseen force. Will Sookie and the gang save him in time before the 3,000-year-old psychopathic vampire eats everyone with a pulse? Will Bill and Eric kill Russell Edgington before their app-controlled stakes are activated at dawn? Guess well have to tune in next week for another episode of Scoob erm, I mean, True Blood.
I wish I were kidding, but Lets Boot and Rally really was an adult version of Scooby-Doo. We had five people, Sookie (Velma), Alcide (Scooby), Eric (Fred), Bill (Daphne sorry, dude) and Alcides employee Doug (Shaggy), take a ride in the Mystery Machine (a.k.a. Alcides van) to a straight-out-of-a-horror-movie location to capture the scary villain (Russell). Except I dont recall a Scooby episode in which humans were straitjacketed and hung like prime cuts in a butcher shop, awaiting to be served up to the charismatic vampire king of Mississippi.
Vampires, Weres and Humans
We knew it was too good to be true. The werewolf sex we were lusting after ever since last weeks lip lock was cut short before the opening credits even rolled. Alcide was barely undressed by the time Drunk Sookie vomited Orange Marzipan all over his shoes. If that wasnt a mood-killer, then Bill and Eric appearing in her bedroom doorway sure as hell was.
Now that Sookie has been relieved of all sexual impulses for the evening, the two vamps get down to business: They want her to unglamour Doug, the Herveaux Construction employee who unwittingly allowed Russell to escape from his cement prison. Aside from the fact that she doesnt know if she can unearth deleted memories (that arent courtesy of a maenad), Sookie is starting to suffer from her own version of PTSD: Alcide, Bill and Eric arguing looks and sounds like a bunch of dogs barking. But, since Sookie knows that getting supernaturals out of her life is as likely as her completing a full week of shifts at Merlottes, she faux-giddily leads the crew out the door: Onwards into the jaws of death!
They track down Doug, who winds up being easier to unglamour than Sookie thought his memories are of a faceless woman digging Russell out with her bare hands. So not only is she a vampire, but Bill and Eric, who have spent some quality time with members of the Authority, are able to identify the pendant Sookie describes in her vision. Yep, looks like a chancellor is indeed behind Russells escape. Bill immediately accuses the still-imprisoned Nora, but Eric isnt having any of it. Erics vamp sister does appear to be the early suspect though as she already confessed to being a Sanguinista, and her Authority necklace matches the one in Dougs memory. But Im not ready to jump on that bandwagon yet. Remember, Salom wears the same necklace (yes, so does Rosalyn Harris, but her pendant is attached to a pearl chain).
Dougs memories lead the Scooby squad to a boarded-up mental hospital, which gives the average horror film a run for its money in creep factors. Prior to entering, Sookie schools her pseudo-chivalrous vampire companions in the art of not splitting up when youre in a big, scary asylum and theres a crazed killer on the loose. And in the empirical truth that her microwave fingers and the sun are the only things that make Russell vulnerable: So the way I see it, its me protecting you from him, instead of the other way around. Score one for the fairy-human! The tour of Russells feeding ground includes a rat-infested room full of corpses and the aforementioned straitjacketed, still-living humans ready for the slaughter. But any rescue mission is going to have to wait, as a showdown awaits Sookie and company in a neighboring chamber.
What a difference a couple of days and a few drained bodies make! Russells skin no longer looks like a jigsaw puzzle, and hes even got a bit of his old swagger back. Looking like a deranged mental patient (when in Rome) in white cotton pajamas and a healthy amount of blood around his mouth, he expresses his sheer joy at Sookies arrival. Fuck you, you psychotic piece of shit! is her pithy retort. Eric, however, has no time for pleasantries. But right before the Nordic vampire sinks his fangs into the man who killed his family 1,000 years ago, Alcide is knocked to the ground and dragged out of the room. Russell may not be up to his fighting weight yet, but hes got plenty of minions doing his bidding so Sookie and her pals had better be plenty afraid.
Vampires
Tara continues to grapple with her new innate desires while remaining an upstanding mainstreaming citizen. Shes put to work tending bar at Fangtasia, after getting her the hot-vampire makeover I had hoped for in last weeks recap (spangly purple corset!), but Pam neglected to remind her progeny that while its OK to feed from humans behind closed doors, doing so in public is strictly verboten. Frustrated and confused, she has a therapeutic girl-talk session with Jessica, who just happened to witness Tara get the humiliation treatment from Pam following her indiscretion. Jessica gives her the whole it gets better speech, and the two bond over their need for young-vamp companionship. Its actually a really beautiful moment, which of course could never last.
Later in the episode, as Roman preaches his gospel of not giving in to blood lust to the Authority, Jessica and Tara are doing just the opposite: In side-by-side bathroom stalls, Jessica feeds off of the pretty blonde girl Tara tried biting earlier from behind the bar, while Tara drinks from Hoyt (whos dressed like a rejected member of Culture Club). And thats the second rule Tara breaks in the space of one evening vamp or human, you dont kiss, sleep with or suck the blood from your gal pals ex-boyfriend. Jess recognizes Hoyts voice when he calls out Taras name, and thats when the ultimate vampire girl fight breaks out.
Humans and Shifters
Terry and Patricks road trip meets a deadly end at the South Dakota underground bunker of their former squadmate Brian Eller. Flashbacks confirmed that all three men were responsible for the mass killing of Iraqi civilians, but the mysterious fires that have plagued the members of their squadron werent explained until now. According to another flashback, one woman survived the massacre, but upon orders from Patrick, Terry shot her dead to silence her. Right before Terry pulled the trigger, the woman put a curse on the squadron, warning that the Ifrit, or fire monster, would burn you all. And everything you ever loved. To this day, Patrick dismisses the Ifrit as a hallucination from a drug-fueled bender, but Brian and a thoroughly freaked-out Terry who has been trying to block the Ifrit from his mind since he saw it rise from the bodies he was forced to set on fire know that its real. Patrick wont be swayed, however, and shortly after he and Terry tie up Brian and leave the bunker, the Ifrit arrives to claim its next victim in the form of engulfing smoke.
Jason and Andys unceremonious, lightning-bolt expulsion from the fairy club in last weeks episode only culminated in an instantaneous return to their homes, sans clothing. Although, Jasons resulting dream in which Ryan Kwanten wears He-Man footie pajamas and pretends to be eight years old was one of the highlights of Lets Boot and Rally despite the nightmarish overtones, what with blood gushing out of Mama and Papa Stackhouses fang bites and all. The two police officers are called to investigate the murder of Sam and Lunas shape-shifter friends, and a telling piece of evidence is that the bullets used were wooden, bringing forward the theory an anti-supernatural group is behind the killings. But for now, shifters remain the only targets. Their fate unknown, Sam and Luna are shot and left for dead by a truckload of fatigues-clad, Obama-masked gunmen. Emma, thankfully, manages to shift into her adorable new wolf cub form and gets away. She may not have much choice but to join a pack now.
Favorite Couple: Jason and Andy. All due respect to Hoyt, but that Jasons friendship with Bubba cant hold a candle to the bromance hes got going on with Sheriff Bellefleur. Not to mention theyre a crackerjack detective duo now.
Winning Species: Ifrit. We havent seen the last of these supernatural fire creatures, and until Terry can uncover their weaknesses, his life will always be in danger. I also dont trust Patrick. Renes ghost might have been on to something at the end of last season.
Losing Species: Mediums. Lafayette is still haunted by the brujo demon, so he tries to communicate with Jesus to get some answers. And the answers are pretty disturbing: Both Lafayette and his mother, Ruby, are visited by Jesus severed head, his mouth sewn up in silence.
Previously: Loyalty Reigns
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